Notes on being born

It takes a lot to weaken my joy. And I think that's because, despite all the negatives we can find in life, I feel like I have the best thing a person can experience in this world--children. There's no greater gift than motherhood.

Larry once told me, "You have babies like Skittles." While fertility has come easily to me, how to have my child has never come lightly.

I think it's so important that a woman be informed of her birthing options. So I read. And read. And read. And read. And read. I asked questions. And I read. And read. And read. And read.

Whether a woman decides to have an OB or midwife deliver her baby in the hospital or in the home, it matters most that she decides what she wants. Hopefully that decision is based on what is best for mother and child, and not for bragging rights.

And for all the birthing plans you can make, there's always a chance of the unexpected, and you need to be pliable enough to work sensibly with your medical team.

A documentary I saw yesterday, "The Business of Being Born," addressed some of these issues, though I did find it to be a bit slanted and in favor of home births.

While I did choose midwives, I felt very strongly about delivering my children in a hospital, and with Ty, I learned why that's important. But every experience is individual. And most everything turns out OK in the end.

Which is why it's annoying when people instill fear into moms-to-be. The documentary addressed this a little bit, but I want to add to it. The documentary basically said that maternity care in this country is run as a business, moving laboring women through delivery wards as quickly as possible, drugging them up with pitocin and painkillers until it's time to push. But the documentary only interviewed people from maybe three or four hospitals--all from L.A. and New York.

There's a lot of country in between there with excellent care being offered.

I think it's unfair to blame the hospitals for this kind of bedside manner. As a society, we've kind of asked for it. So many women have come to expect painless, sagless births. The documentary even pointed to "designer births" in New York where women schedule their C-sections and tummy tucks in the same day, during the same procedure.

But I was lucky to have excellent medical care.

My experience with Cienna was incredible. There's nothing more amazing than the feeling of holding your child for the first time, after bringing them into the world, staring at them and not knowing what you feel more--love or happiness. In that moment, your whole life is better than you ever could have dreamed.

Tyler came a less natural way. I didn't get to hold him as quickly because of the surgery--a thought that still breaks my heart. But when I did hold him in my arms, the love was there. It was the same.

I didn't want to have a C-section, but I knew it was necessary because there was serious risk of harm to my baby.

What saddens me is that there are some mothers who aren't informed to know the difference, whether by their own lack of research or lack of information from their doctor.

It also concerns me, as I've said years before I ever watched the documentary, that the growing number of drugs given to laboring women coincides with the growing number of autism and ADHD diagnoses in children. I attribute all of that to women being made afraid of the pain of childbirth. But even with pitocin, it's really not that bad. It doesn't last long. There's a beautiful end to all of it. And, seriously, if it was that terrible, there wouldn't be so many of us on this planet. It's honestly the most incredible blessing a family can receive.

But the other side of all of it is that there really are some difficult patients out there--women who think they deserve all of the attention of the entire labor and delivery unit, while many other moms are growing through the same thing next door. Hospitals are constantly understaffed, and even with planned C-sections, birth continues to be a fairly-random medical situation.

I feel so blessed to have had the natural experience that I did with Cienna. And if I were to have another child, I would hope for it to be as organic as possible, avoiding all surgery.

However, what kind of birth I have matters little to me. It's about what's best for the child, and, yes, you start making those choices while you're pregnant--and even before. So women shouldn't be made to feel guilty or less powerful for whatever delivery plan they choose. Because sometimes baby has his or her own little plan!

There's nothing going on in that delivery room that's going to win you a medal. It's what you do after you leave the hospital that counts--that's what will determine the kind of mother you are.