Cashing in

"One person's downfall is another person's rise."

There's a sort of theme to my life right now. Something that I used to believe was just a matter of time has proven that timing is everything. Yet that very success is linked to avoiding all cliches, despite that last sentence being one big cliche.

The field narrowed for me today during a short conversation, which not only confirmed my instincts on the thing (and I promise I'll stop being vague in a month) but also that writers like to communicate en mass. Technology has only encouraged this.

Imagine what the texts messages between Sir Walter Scott and Jane Austen would have been like? How would they have signed their email?

"Ivanhoe rocks OBVI,
Jane"

"Emma is even better, GURL!
Scott OUT!"

Maybe it's better that e-stuff and iStuff transpired after their time.

But if this week is proof of anything it's proof that even time is time-sensitive.

Eliot Spitzer probably thought it was his time.

Then he made some poor life choices.

Now it's Ashley DiPietro/Dupre/Youmans' time. The professional escort known as "Kristen" to Spitzer's "Client 9" is just a few interviews away from a book deal and a Sunday night, TV movie.

Fame is so fickle. It takes so little to lose it and even less to gain it.

The New York Times quoted her as saying, "I just don't want to be thought of as a monster."

Excuse me, now, while I write this letter to Ashley:

Let "I just don't want to be thought of as a monster" be the anthem of all mistresses across the world. Have shirts printed. Start a band called Wives Hate Me, and go on tour. But you won't change minds with any of that.

There's media at your door, unreturned messages on your phone and memories bringing you some level of guilt right now. But you can't change the past.

Of all the things being written about you, I think The Mercury News did the best job so far. Here's the link to check it out http://www.mercurynews.com/celebrities/ci_8562973 As fair warning, it basically says that you won't likely have a record contract out of this. The shameless publisher of O.J. Simpson's book "If I Did It: Confessions of the Killer" even said that he wouldn't publish you because you don't have enough of a story.

That seemed a bit premature, considering that you haven't even told your story yet.

The article did say, however, that you have the cover of Penthouse waiting for you. That would be a nice payday for you, but it certainly wouldn't help you avoid being thought of as monster.

Scorned women across the world will see it as arrogance, and it would be a slap in the face to Silda Spitzer. I'm sure it's enough of a nightmare to begin with, knowing that she was cheated on multiple times with a prostitute, but now she has a face to put to all of that. So do her children. I'm sure the last thing his teenage daughters need is for their male peers and teachers gawking at the front cover on newsstands to see just how hot the girl is that destroyed their lives. The worst thought is that Eliot Spitzer might buy a copy for himself, sneaking into some public restroom with it--a thought that makes even my stomach turn.

And, you know, in all of those videos of Mr. and Mrs. Spitzer walking into the state dinner at the White House on Saturday, just days before this all came out, with him knowing that it would, and his wife not knowing, she was glowing and beautiful. She was happy.

The most recent photos show her in a very different light and understandably so.

She's been through enough. And I'm sure you have too. When you signed on with the Emperor, I'm sure you didn't imagine this.

I'm not passing judgement or providing a moral compass. Even I'm not capable of that much hypocrisy. All I'm saying is, if you really don't want to be thought of as a monster, then be careful of how you cash in.

Candy