Close to May

Hello, Friends.



C-Woo got served



There are some things I've never done. I've never watched one second of The Hills, I've never been to the Carson City Saloon, I've never been parasailing, I've never cheated on my husband, I've never regularly played tennis, I've never purchased a designer handbag, and I can hear some of you saying I've "never used birth control."



Well...other than The Hills and the husband part, some things are about to change, and I owe it all to a local, high school tennis coach. The past few times he's called to report something at work, I've been the one to answer. I now know this is fate. He's encouraged me to play tennis. He's explained it's the fastest-growing sport in America. He's given hints that he may wear a red shoe. He's offered to teach me to play a sport that he's apparently mastered.



I've explained that I've taken lessons before, that I played with my mom when I was a child and that even last year I played in the Mt. Lebanon bubbles. Oh, and in those bubbles I got yelled at profusely by an elderly gentleman who took the game WAY TOO SERIOUSLY. I think shuffleboard was more his thing. I told my coach friend that despite my repeated exposure to "America's growing game," I just never developed a solid desire for it.



"Well if tennis ain't your thing, I can teach you volleyball," he said.



Oh.boy.



So I discussed this with another co-worker who is apparently an avid tennis player. I explained that if tennis were presented to me in event form, such as "Tennis & Tequilia" or "Tennis & Tea" (but let's be real, here), I could get behind it.



In the words of the great Ed Meena, "We'll see what happens."





Better weather



Tina and Missy would disagree with me, but I can stand the rain. Especially when it falls on my least-favorite days of the week. Much like last week, it's supposed to be nice Thursday through Sunday--and my Friends know how much I still love a Thursday.



In Pittsburgh, you just never know what you're going to see on a sunny day--anything from too many mandals to too few drag queens. While in college, it wasn't uncommon to see girls in bikinis at the Point--even when it was only 63 degrees. It was sunny, and that was apparently all that mattered. Last week while suffering a horrendous detour, I realized it was my fate to see a seemingly-homeless gentleman walking around in a cutoff-belly shirt with a huge screen print of Bob Marley on the front. He also had disheveled, gray hair, minimally tamed by a rainbow-striped headband. And he was carrying a Macy's bag and pulling a suitcase behind him. The thing is, I actually enjoyed seeing that. It was much less offensive to me than seeing a couple on the Norf Side, wearing matching visors. That moment definitely made me think more of "Highway to Hell" by ACDC and less of "Two of Us" by The Beatles.



TarantiNO



Is it just me, or did it seem like none of the Idols took Tarantino's advice last week? In nearly each clip, Mr. Tarantino gave specific advice, and then the Idol would perform live, clearly not doing whatever Tarantino asked. And, much like the last time Tarantino was on, Randy Jackson also seemed to disagree with whatever he said. Did I miss some battle over spandex a few decades ago or something? I hope not.



But I did get to see a lot of clips from Tarantino's movies--including Michael Madsen dancing around in "Reservoir Dogs." So that was successful alone.



inspIREd



Sometimes I wake up and find a toy dinosaur walking on me 10 minutes later. Ty calls it his "saur." It's just a small, little, plastic T-Rex, but he loves it. He doesn't want a bigger saur or a brighter saur or a more expensive saur. He's simply happy with what he has. It's just another reason Ty, and all children, inspire me.



Children don't have petty insecurities. They don't care to judge--though they WILL speak the truth (sometimes at unfortunate moments for their parents). They don't lie--at least not without being taught to. They don't care if another child is funnier than them--they just want to have fun.



They also have the best advice for when the Pens lose.



Yesterday when we got back from watching the Pens game with Friends, Cienna pointed out that I looked a little dejected.



"Oh, Mommy is just a mix of exhausted and bummed that the Penguins lost, but you smiling makes me feel better already," I said.



And I wasn't lying. The minute I saw her running down the stairs to give us a hug, smiling the whole time, I thanked God, again, that I was her mother.



"I think we should watch Madagascar. Those penguins don't lose," she said.



That they don't, Miss Faye. That they don't.



unFriendly Neighbors



When we lived on Beadling, we barely knew our immediate neighbors. Larry called the guy on the left "Old Man Withers." He was old, surely and only seemed to come outside to feed the birds once a day. The guy on the other side was younger and selling his house to live with his girlfriend. He was never around. Thankfully, there was a younger couple a few houses down who befriended us. They had dogs who they said were their children, and they liked to drink margaritas on summer nights in their backyard. Sometimes they invited us to join them. They were friendly people and Friend-ly neighbords.



Luckily, when we moved, we got even better neighbors. For the most part.



Connie and her husband live two houses down. She is a retired OB nurse, and he still teaches in a catholic school. They have a grown daughter who went to high school with Larry. One time Connie said, "My daughter thinks she and Larry may have had home ec together. She remembers him being sort of a clown in class a few times. Does that sound like him?" I said, "Definitely!"



Miss Connie, as the kids call her, likes to walk through the yards to see the kids when it's nice out. Because, when it's nice out, believe me--we're outside! She brings them bubbles and holds the baby, telling me how much she misses working around babies. She gardens and is probably exactly how you might imagine her. When I was pregnant, she offered a lot of help and support.



But yesterday, she told me something I hadn't known. According to Connie, "Two owners ago, there was a tall, thin woman who lived in your house. Tall, thin women can really push out babies for some reason. She had midwives. She barely made it to the hospital with her first baby, and the second baby was actually born at home in your bedroom."



Larry responded first. "Oh, I didn't need to know that. We really don't need any extra baby energy in the room."



I explained to Connie how superstitious Larry is and reminded her that I barely made it to the hospital with Dimitri. But I did kind of wonder if I should start sleeping on the couch or something.



When Connie comes by, she actually does most of the talking. And if you know me, you're probably surprised by that. She keeps me informed of our neighbors' whereabouts, even though I never ask. For example, I now know that Carol and Bill are in Florida and that if Bill (whom Larry loves and calls "Old Man Flanders") talks a lot it's because he has trouble hearing and doesn't always know when the conversation ends.



Carol and Bill have grandchildren, including a granddaughter Cienna's age. So it's nice when their grandkids visit. And Carol is famous for bringing over treats and goodies for the kids on holidays and etc.



Then there are the neighbors on the other side. Connie wonders what makes them tick. They're a young couple--maybe a few years older than Larry and me. They have a little girl, slightly younger than Ty and a black lab. They always say hello. The guy smiles a lot. But the mom looks down a lot and just occasionally apologizes when the dog barks too much. Even though we are not the type of family to care when a dog barks. Connie is like the mayor of our street, so of course she's tried to communicate with them. We've just never really tried. I guess we follow their lead. Some people are just socially awkward or not good at making friends, so it can take a long time. Maybe I'm holding out for a sunny day when we're all in our backyards, and I can initiate a conversation.



Connie just calls them the "unfriendly neighbors," but I can't give up so easily. Sometimes it's not a matter of being friendly or not. It's just that some folks are socially awkward.



Until then, though, I have absolutely no problem meeting at the fences with Carol and Connie and Larry and Old Man Flanders x 2 to discuss plants and people and kids and neighborly things. Even if Old Man Flanders is having an entirely different conversation.



Lil' Wayne's World



Friends, I think we're all in agreement that it should be Lady GoLa and not Lady GaGa, right? After all, among other things, I'm a popular music star. And my stage routine is about a bizarre as hers.



But there are some other songs out that we should discuss first.



1. Kiss Me Thru the Phone. First of all, I've been doing this for years, thanks. Second of all, the part that's "like da da dadadada da..." Ty thinks it's some form of barking, so he barks when he hears that part. And Cienna likes to sing the numbers "678 triple 9 8212." Why do I let my children hear this song in the car? Hey, we all have our failures in parenting.



Some lyrics from this artistic masterpiece:

She call my phone like / Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da /We on the phone like/ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da/ We taking pics like/ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da /She dial my number like/ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da/ Six, seven, eight, triple, nine, eight, two, one, two

2. How Do You Sleep. How do you stop listening to Jesse McCartney? It's everything you've ever loved about a boy band in one person. And this song sounds just like LFO's "Summer Girls" but with a faster tempo. Plus, it includes Luda. How can you go wrong.

3. Turnin' Me On. Thank you Keri Hilson. I'm nervous though. The last time I liked chic rap this much, the girl got shot for giving someone AIDS. But, you know, I'm sure that won't happen again. But, really, I love it --especially Lil' Wayne's contribution. I love Lil' Wayne and am extremely intrigued by "Lil' Wayne's World."

May be

I just looked at my planner. Again. And I've accepted that my life is busy and there's a lot to look forward to on any given day. The errands and daily chores are dotted with wonderful family-and-friend events and new challenges.

I'm really looking forward to a girls' party this Saturday afternoon. I think Cienna is joining me. My friend is taking her daughter, and her friend is taking her daughter too. It's so cute to watch them play together and sort of drift back and forth between, "Oh, look at how young and innocent they are" and "Oh, how did they get so grown up."

I have high hopes for May, Friends. I'm working a few golf events, where I will also get to swing on a few holes. That should be interesting. And there is the Cinco de BG event, which should probably be called BG de Mayo instead. A bunch of birthdays, including Larry's! Barbecues! Another work-related DC trip. Mayhem! And a lot of ballet rehearsals.

While I'm a fan of all seasons, mostly fall, is there any time more magical than spring? Nature just takes over, and it feels like absolutely anything can happen!

Love yinz!