Blame it on the Foxx

Hello, Friends.

It's been somewhat of a talent of mine to make something out of nothing. This has come in the form of an overreaction or a moment of creative genius. In journalism, a Friend of mine would call this "turning chicken shit into chicken salad." In more desperate times, a different Friend has called it "Magolver."

And, Friends, I was forced to channel my Magolver at a recent bridal shower. The lovely evening was coming to a close. Gifts were being carried to the trunk, leftovers were being Ziplocked and people were in pursuit of "more alcohol." The remaining bottles of wine were not an option. They stood, corked, like brave soldiers, destined for pre-game activities at the next evening's bachelorette party. But a second batch of delicious punch--think mimosa--remained. And when there's a man down, we don't leave him behind.

It was an exit that would require some creativity.

While the venue was gorgeous and glowing with rows of candlelight, it lacked an empty container and an important device for siphoning leftover booze--a funnel. A brave, classy Friend found a bottle of wine that was about a quarter full and took it to the face. All we needed was the funnel. I decided to make a funnel out of a Ziploc bag, using scissors from my infant first aid kid (CLASSY!), much the same way you'd make a pastry bag. One Friend held the empty bottle, another held the makeshift funnel, and I poured the punch.

We filled it too full to re-cork it, so again my services were called upon. With, yet another, Ziploc bag and some tulle, I created white-trash magic.

My brother-in-law's girlfriend, Alyson, held the aforementioned magic in her lap while we drove home, eager to share the tulle-tied, adult beverage with Lar and Justin. I confessed to her that even when I don't drink and drive, I'm a hazard on the highway. Because of Jamie Foxx. Shut up. Everyone likes that Jamie Foxx song, and you know it.

But not everyone likes other songs on WAMO.

Me: "Um, so I have no idea what this song is, but I have a feeling that you do."

Ahri Son: "Why's that?"

Me: "Because I'm pretty sure you have Lil' Wayne on your speed dial. And someone who has Lil' Wayne on their speed dial would know this song."

Ahri Son promised that for every one of my future birthdays she would present me with two bottles of wine that had their contents switched and secured with tulle. And, Friends, I intend to collect.

We enjoyed the Magolver Mimosas with Lar and Justin, though Lar refused to drink his from a wine glass. He partook in the festivities from his "man cup." (This would be a plastic Pens cup from a home game we attended.)

Because Ahri Son and I have children, we were falling asleep between laughs and sips, as were Lar and Justin. We knew morning, and an Easter Egg hunt, would come early, so we settled into warm cuddles and comfy sheets.

And as the week ahead unfolded, it turned out that I needed every second of that sleep.