Myths of Motherhood

Tools of the Trade

If you find yourself in Babies R Us as often as I seem to, then you've probably had the urge to overstep some boundaries.

There's always that couple there registering for the first time, for their first baby. And you try to ignore it all like a sane person would, maybe offering that mom-to-mom smile, which is a lot like the wave that bus drivers and Jeep enthusiasts reserve for each other. But you see them clicking the scanner on so many things you know they will never use. The inner logic begins: "Aw, you're both so cute. But you will never need that many diaper disposal systems." And of course you never say that to them because you're normal.

Plus, there's always something better to grab your attention--like the pregnant mom scanning BPA items in the store and lighting up a cigarette outside of the store. "BPA-free is the least of your worries, sweetheart."

By the way, I'm the mom with the 5-year-old shopper who tries to find anything and everything that her younger brothers don't need.

But, really, I wish someone would've told me what I wouldn't really need when I was a young(er) mom. I was so thankful when Dawn told me not to buy a certain bathtub when I was pregnant with Ty. Cienna's old tub was passed on, and I needed a new one. If Larry and I had bought the one we originally wanted, we would've been disappointed, based on what I've heard from some other friends who bought that model. We were very happy with our second choice.

Other times I walk around and see something new, and think, "I totally could've invented that."

So I'm curious, what products have you found most useful, which have been useless, and what is something you would like to see on the market?

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MILFs

While I have learned to restrain my inner bitch, sometimes I just need to educate the ignorant. I consider it a public service.

For example, there's a myth that exists, and sometimes it's silent, that marriage and children ruin intimacy, keep you from being sexy, make your life miserable and keep you old.

None of that is true. Poor perceptions and bad excuses are responsible for those things.

Let's just acknowledge the technological reasons of why that isn't true very quickly and then put it aside. There are various doctors you can go to who will ask you, if you're there for a certain kind of appointment, "Would you like to be 18 again or 14 again? And I should add that you can get to 19 all on your own, without intervention."

First of all, I will never desire to be 14 again for any reason. 19? Pretty damn good year.

Look, we do not birth buses. And some of us have had c-sections. And what a baby looks like at 3 months is not at all like what we bring into the world.

Really. I'll say it. The Vag rebounds victoriously.

And I have it on good medical authority that multiple partners over a period of time actually does the same for elasticity than if you've ever given birth or not.

We do not become powerless, helpless, sexless creatures when we become mothers. We simply become the foundation of our families.

And our generation has changed the definition of motherhood. It's not housecoats and separate beds and going to the supermarket when our husbands get home from work.

We work if we want to. We take care of ourselves and stay youthful. We have sex--all kids sleep eventually. Get a sitter, go out on dates, keep the intimacy alive. If you can't find a sitter, call me. I will watch your kids for you because I believe moms need to look out for each other and not get caught up in petty judgements or competition.

Remember who you were before your kids because you can still be those things AND be a good mother. In fact, you'll probably be a better one. And, yes, family has to come first. But that doesn't mean you get rid of your friends.

Some friendships will change, and some may drift apart if you no longer have anything in common. But some friendships will strengthen when you become a parent. And when you and someone you grew up with are both parents, it's truly magical. It's a beautiful relationship to share all that history and be able to take the parenting journey together. And remind each other that in additon to being beautiful, sexy, funny, smart, youthful, talented women, you also get to be moms. Which is really the greatest gift in the world.