Stay the course

--Friends, please don't read this if you're not registered to vote. Use this time now to go through the simple process of registering to vote online instead of reading my blog. I'm only going to tell you how important it is to vote this year anyway.

SERIOUSLY! Every day, there's a new dismal report about our economy and how thousands of Americans are losing their jobs and pensions, while millions lose their homes. It saddens me to see how unstable this country has become.

I don't believe that either presidential candidate will be able to get into office and change things right away. So don't expect to find a savior in a public servant. The economy will get worse before it gets better. Our housing market will hit rock bottom, and maybe during, say, Obama's second term we will start to see some true improvement.

A girl, who is a few years my junior, was asking me if I thought there would be another Great Depression. I said, "For some Americans, it already is. For others, it soon will be. For the precious few, it never will be. And for the rest of us, it will just be shitty for a while." We shared what we knew of the Great Depression, stories passed down, generation to generation. Then she said, "You think I'd have to sell my purse?" Referring to her choice of designer handbags, cell phone skins, sunglasses and footwear, I said, "You do realize you're a complete douchebag? If it got to the point where you had to sell that thing, it would have no value."

But I do love that girl because she's very kind, just simply and genuinely kind. She's all labeled out because she feels like she has to be. It's a matter of competition and attraction. And I can appreciate our differences.

Our differences, by the way, are vast. I've been known to leave authentic Gucci bags on a garage floor, while Target and TJ Maxx couture were nestled safely in my closet. And those Gucci bags? All gifts. Gifts from someone who gave that kind of stuff away at Christmastime like they were candy canes. I'd never buy something like that for myself. I'm not sure I would want it.

And that was before I had kids.

--The eternal optimist in me has high hopes for my children--and yours. Take a look at history, and you'll see why. Each generation has its tragedy, its turning point, its pivotal moment. One day, I believe we'll look back to see that 9/11 really did change everything for us--most of us were just upperclassmen in college. Innocence and naivity were lost.

But a lot of beauty was gained:

I remember sitting in my PR class, next to Incorvati, watching the second plane crash, after hearing the first one on my walkman during my short trip to Academic Hall. We were casual friends, class friends. That day we held hands.

Later, in my dorm room, among my best friends, I watched CNN and network news stations repeat horrible truths and replay horrifying images. That evening we walked the Boulevard of the Allies, as allies, and made it to The Point, looking back at our city, reflecting on the day, praying for our countrymen, silently thankful that it wasn't our skyline.

We all grew up a little that day--and so much more since then. We've suffered irreplacable losses in our families, we've become husbands and wives, moms and dads, full-time employees and homeowners. We've done it all during "trying times."

And I really do believe that if we stay the course, refuse to lose hope, work hard and treat each other well, we will live to see our children and loved ones live out their dreams without the challenge of doing it during "trying times."

--I've enjoyed that my life has been such a way that I can have an incredible phone conversation with my best friend while picking up a pizza, and 10 minutes later I can be meeting two incredible people for the first time.

--Color matching is so much fun. I've found some very interesting shades that are unbelievably beautiful with teal. Teal! It's also true that if you mismatch a color with teal, it's a huge disaster.

--Cienna is doing so well with school. I'm so incredibly proud of her and constantly wonder where her life's journey will lead.

--You already know how beyond thrilled I am for fall, so I won't go into that.

--Planning Cienna's 5th birthday is a lot of fun.

--Talking about Cienna in The Nutcracker is also fun.

--I'm looking forward to a certain new beginning. More to come...

In the Park

Quick to judge

If I could offer any advice to the experts, pundits and folks with nothing better to do than gossip, it would be this: Be careful whom you judge and how you judge them.

I'm not entirely sure why John McCain picked Sarah Palin as his running mate, but I am intrigued that he chose her among a more-qualified pool of Republican candidates. That's not to say that Palin isn't qualified at all, but I wouldn't be comfortable having her as president of the United States. She just doesn't share my political values.

I don't care that she has five children and a demanding career. To me, that doesn't make her a less qualified politician. Many successful politicians have balanced personal lives with political lives. And the only time anyone raises a question of priorities is when it's a mother making the tough choices. Let me tell you something, folks--mothers have been making tough choices for a long time.

Palin's daughter has started making those tough choices. And my heart truly goes out to her. I know how challenging it was to be pregnant at 22 and a single mom at 23. From my best understanding--through research and friendships--it's all the more difficult as a teenager.

And because it is so hard, it really breaks my heart to see some of the coverage of a personal family issue. Morning talk shows have been hosting teen forums, discussing sex and unplanned pregnancies. As though it's something new. As though their network news will have a positive impact.

Evening talk shows have been featuring hurtful jokes, such as, "It's a good thing Governor Palin is a member of the NRA because it's going to be a shotgun wedding."

Hilarious.

As someone familiar with shotgun weddings, let me tell you that they happen all the time--even when there's not a baby involved. Is constantly nagging a guy to marry you because all of your friends are getting married any less pressure? Is threatening a breakup if there's not a ring by a certain date really fair? It's certainly not romantic.

It's usually a little more romantic when a baby is involved because sometimes there's more of a choice. In fact, I know of at least one man who had many options presented to him by a pregnant girl who didn't believe marriage yielded good parenting. She gave him choices. The man chose to be married. He wanted to be married.

Palin's daughter, Bristol, says that she's going to be married to the baby's father--a young man who previously listed he did not want kids on his MySpace page. According to a marriage professor at Duquesne University, 95 percent of marriages that begin before the couple is 21 years old do not last. Well, half of all marriages after 21 don't last either. And can we really find it so hard to believe that an opinion someone writes on a MySpace page might change?

I'm not stunned by any of the week's past news--something I attribute to growing up in journalism and also just growing as a person. I'm not surprised that a 17-year-old girl had unprotected sex and got pregnant. I'm not surprised that the daughter of a conservative, pro-life governor is having a baby.

What does surprise me is that so many people can pass judgement on the situation. What does surprise me is that we still debate sex education vs. abstinence, yet fail to set up resources and effective programs to help young mothers.

Pro-life politicians damn those who don't keep their babies, yet vote against bills proposed by pro-choice advocates to help those mothers succeed without regretting their decisions. It would be too much work to actually care. Sitting back, reading tabloids, gossiping about it--that's much more convenient. Coming up with an opinion is easy. Coming up with a solution takes some effort.

I'm an opinionated person, but I'm not nearly as judgemental as I used to be. And I work for what I believe in and for what I believe will help others.

So when someone emailed me, "Does it bother you that Governor Palin's 17-year-old daughter is pregnant?" I didn't hesitate to answer.

"Yes it does. But not because a republican vice presidental candidate's daughter is about to have a baby. I care because another teenager is becoming a young mother. I care because I was a week shy of 23 when Cienna was born. And I care because I have children. And they will undoubtedly face decisions as they grow up--some of which may be challenging."

I've faced a great deal of judgement with each pregnancy, and with each pregnancy, others' opinions have mattered less and less. If the commentary doesn't come from my family, friends or physicians, it doesn't affect me. And I can only hope Bristol Palin feels the same.

But these wishes extend beyond Bristol Palin. They also affect other young women in our communities, facing tough decisions. The decisions are just as important--sometimes moreso--even though they're not psuedo-celebrities.

A young, unmarried mom I talked to this week said, "It just hurts so bad. I hear what they say about her, and I know what they say about me. But they don't even know me. They don't know what's in my heart."

I've heard this kind of thing often during my research and outreach. And I'm quick to remind women that unplanned doesn't mean unwanted. Women shouldn't be damned or shunned for loving their child enough to give them life. They shouldn't feel badly for believing that love will guide them. Nor should they be denied the right to make a different decision.

There has only ever been one decision for me. I believe children are a blessing and gift from God.

But not every woman has chosen what I have, and I respect that.

What I cannot respect are groups of women who have never been parents, passing judgement on those of us who are mothers. Or people who have never done an unselfish thing in their lives looking down on a woman who chooses to do what's best for her baby.

People aren't perfect; they're just people. And people have different experiences. We can choose to be open to those experiences. We can choose to be supportive. We can choose to be friends. Or we can choose the alternatives to those.

In nearly every situation, I've chosen to follow my heart. And, sometimes, it's led me to some interesting places. But mostly it's led to me to beautiful places.

Despite that, I've made poor choices in my lifetime. I've hurt people when I didn't mean to. I've taken when I couldn't give back. I've judged others prematurely. And it inspired some regret.

But I have never wished I never had a child, or waited until a different time. I have never wished I had time back that I spent helping another woman.

My life is blessed, and I haven't taken a day of it for granted. Cienna, Ty and our baby are gifts. There are challenging days, but there are incredibly beautiful years. I'm so thankful for every moment I spend with them. I'm so happy that Larry is taking this journey with me. I wouldn't trade anything. And I'm not intimidated by a full house.

It doesn't seem like the Palins are intimidated by a full house either.

Maybe they know that a full house grows full hearts.